Motherhood: You Can’t Make This Sh*t Up

Tomorrow is the annual Kindergarten Character Parade at my son’s school. T went as James from James and the Giant Peach when he was a wee one. B decided to go as a crayon from The Day the Crayons Quit (because we LOVE it and The Day the Crayons Came Home!). 

Imagine my delight that my child picked a character for which I already have a costume. T was a red crayon for Halloween many moons ago and I knew I had seen the costume, touched it with my own two hands, sometime in the last six months. Easy peasy. Done. No fuss, no muss, no money.

I proceeded to check the closets. The dress-up drawer. The craft cabinet. No dice. I waited. I checked the attic (read, the hubby checked the attic). The closet again. The bags in the closet. The coat closet. The dress-up drawer again. The linen cabinet. The bench at the end of my bed under the extra blanket. Nothing. I checked everything one more time even though I had checked it all before.

Nada. No crayons.

So, I retrieved the random navy blue pillow case I found from a set of sheets we no longer have and felt that this was miracle enough. An extra pillow case. I’ll just make another. And so I went to the craft store and found felt the perfect color blue to match and black fabric paint for the pillow case. I painted on the logo and the stripes. I let it dry. I turned it over this afternoon and painted the stripe on the back side.

While it dried, I decided to tackle the hat. I’d need something to put the felt on. Perhaps we had an extra birthday hat in the craft cabinet. The craft cabinet is a little bit of a mess. I took out a few things I knew I wanted to add to my current donation pile. I checked between the extra paper, behind the rocket building set box, with the collection of gift bags. No birthday hats. No worries, I have to run to the grocery later today anyway, I can pick one up or grab some poster board. But before I go, I should really see if I have any elastic or ribbon to keep the hat on. I decided to rummage around in the bin with the paints since a few other random bits tend to find their way there. And there, under an extra Christmas shirt box and a giant birthday bow was…

(Oh yeah. You guessed it. Even though I already checked this cabinet and swear I nosed around in that very same paint bin)

…the damned red crayon costume.

The paint isn’t even dry on the blue one I just finished.

If I had wine in the house (which I don’t because it’s on the stupid grocery list), I’d be pouring myself one right now, decorum and good sense be damned.


Published by Monica Cox

Monica is a writer and book coach who helps writers get unstuck so they can reach their writing goals.

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