Award season is upon us. I admit to being a victim of our celebrity based culture and enjoy a good award show with the best of them. But how many occupations actually have achievement awards, not to mention publicly broadcasted ones to millions of viewers around the world? Um….?
Well, moms, I’ve decided it’s time we recognize your unique achievements. It was a tough race this year and I’m sure I left some of you out, but know that you fall under the last category. Honestly. You do. I mean it. It was a good year in mothering!
So feel free to put on your prettiest dress, or at least a clean pair of yoga pants (add pearls if you’re feeling fancy), and enjoy the 2014 Achievements in Mothering Awards:
Best Hair & Make-Up in a Carpool Line:
Your college baseball cap, sunglasses and whoever’s Chapstick was in the car’s cup holder.
Best Hair & Make-Up in a Public Place Where Eye Contact will be Made (i.e., the Grocery Store):
Ponytail elastic and under eye concealer.
Best Performance in a Grocery Store:
The mom of multiple boys who is smiling through her gritted teeth while threatening in a quiet voice to take away all future Minecraft time if they don’t stop running, pushing each other and emptying the shelf coupon dispensers of items she has never – and will never – buy.
Best Musical Performance
The mom of the teething 15 month old who didn’t sleep last night but somehow managed to get herself and her kid dressed and on the music class carpet circle in time before realizing she doesn’t have on matching socks.
Best Performance at a Holiday Dinner:
A tie between the mom who merely smiled and passed the cranberry sauce when that nosey in-law made another comment about how she was a derelict mom for going back to work after her kids were born and the mom who merely smiled and passed the stuffing when that nosey in-law made another comment about how she was a derelict woman for not going back to work after her kids were born.
Best Supporting Actor to a Mom with an Infant/Toddler:
The Diaper Bag.
Best Supporting Actor to a Mom with a Preschooler:
The emergency stash of crayons, coloring books and cereal bars in her bag.
Best Supporting Actor to a Mom with Grade Schoolers:
Best Supporting Actor to a Mom of Teenagers:
Prayer and a stash of John Hughes movies.
Best Musical Score to a Family Dance Party:
The family dancing to Motown, heavy metal, R&B…basically anything that isn’t a Disney movie soundtrack or a kid’s band with a kazoo.
The mom who despite knowing she could do it better, faster and neater refrains from actually doing her kids’ science project and let’s the kid finish on their own.
Best Performance in a Restaurant:
Who are we kidding? We’re still waiting for our children to behave longer than the five minutes it takes them to inhale their kids’ quesadilla at a restaurant.
Every parent who has managed to find the floor in their child’s bedroom by cajoling/bribing/nagging/reminding/begging their child to actually clean their room.
Best Achievement in Writing:
All of the moms who remembered to sign their child’s permission slips. And send them back to school. Before the deadline.
Best Dramatic Performance:
The mom standing at the door with keys in hand who is desperately trying to leave in order to arrive at their destination relatively close to the appointed time while her children are still wandering aimlessly through the house trying to track down their shoes/coats/books/homework/snacks which she asked them to find 300 times starting a half hour ago.
Best Comedic Performance:
The parent with silliest voices for all the Mo Willems characters at story time.
And finally, the moment we’ve all been waiting for:
The 2014 Best Mom award goes to…YOU! And you. And you. And you. And all of us in the trenches getting through the days the best we know how. You’ve had some pretty stellar performances this year drying tears and sledding down hills and making pancakes and kissing boo boos and snuggling under the covers and that one day? Remember? That was just plain beautiful.
So congratulations, mamas. You deserve it!
What awards did I miss? Share your best performances in the comments!